Grief Is Normal-- Even Though it Doesn’t Always Feel Normal
Grief Is Normal
A brief look at loss and grief
Grief is a normal response to significant, meaningful disruptions and changes:
Loss through death of a loved one.
Loss through changes in relationships—divorce, separation, end of friendship, changes in work situations.
Loss through physical and other changes that come from illnesses, accidents, and aging.
Life transitions such as retirement, aging, empty nest, relocations.
Loss through change in spiritual/existential values.
Grief is a reaction to many forms of loss in meaning and connections.
People are often surprised to realize there are so many ways grief affects us and how long the mourning process may take.
This is partly because we don’t live with it day to day. While some people have significant losses throughout their lives, others are well into adulthood when they first come face to face with grief.
We generally think of death as the loss we grieve. As the list above points out, many kinds of loss can bring grief response and mourning.
Grief comes as a response to a loss and is not chronic as are stress, anxiety, and depression. It often comes suddenly with no warning. Even when the loss has been expected, as in the gradual decline with a terminal illness, it seems sudden, if not abrupt, when the end comes.
Grief affects every aspect of our being
Grief affects us in so many ways, that it is not surprising that many people seek help with the grieving process. Even though we might be having normal responses, we certainly feel out of our routine, disoriented, when we are mourning a loss.
Grief affects us in every aspect of our being:
Physical
Social
Mental
Spiritual
Behavioral
Use the list included here to identify which responses, which areas of your life, affect you most strongly. Bring this list to discuss with your therapist.
PHYSICAL
☐Exhaustion/Fatigue
☐Tightness in throat
☐Breathing difficulties
☐Increased heart rate
☐Head/body aches
☐Increased illness
☐Hollowness in stomach
☐Muscle weakness
☐Numbness
☐Dry mouth
☐Shakiness and dizziness
☐Pain
☐Disturbed sleep
☐Change in eating habits
MENTAL/COGNITIVE
☐Loss of concentration
☐Difficulty focusing
☐Difficulty making decisions
☐Denial of reality of death
☐Preoccupation with thoughts of deceased
☐Having a sense of unreality
☐Forgetfulness or absentmindedness
☐Suicidal thoughts
EMOTIONAL
☐Crying
☐Pain
☐Mood swings
☐Anger
☐Hopelessness
☐ Shock
☐Sadness
☐Outbursts
☐Guilt
☐Fearfulness
☐Numbness
☐Blandness
☐Pining
☐ Self-pity
☐Overwhelm
☐Anxiety/panic
BEHAVIORAL
☐Decreased motivation
☐Restlessness
☐Overactivity
☐Loss of interest
☐Increased absenteeism
☐Impatience
☐Irritability
☐Conflict with others
☐Tardiness
☐Inability to organize
☐Sense of loved one’s presence
☐Searching for the deceased
☐Tells and retells the loss experience
☐Dreams of the deceased
☐Sighs, moans, sobs
SOCIAL EFFECTS
☐Acting angry or hostile
☐Withdrawing from usual activities
☐Avoiding friends and family
☐Bland reaction to others
☐Anguish
☐Overly sensitive
☐Dependent on others
☐Wanting to be with others
☐Wanting to be alone
☐Wanting to talk about the deceased
☐Not wanting to talk about the deceased
SPIRITUAL EFFECTS
☐Anger at God
☐Spiritual emptiness
☐Loss of meaning in life
☐Feeling punished
☐Asking, “Why me?”
☐Feeling abandoned by God
☐Feeling punished by God
☐Thinking, “It’s not fair.”
☐ Feeling isolated and disconnected
**REMEMBER: THESE ARE NORMAL EFFECTS
While all these responses are normal, we worry if they do not diminish over time, or if they are so intense they cause an inability to manage life tasks.
You might need counseling help with your grief, if …
You feel you have nowhere to tell your story.
People tell you to “get over it,” and you can’t.
You are not able to focus on your work or studies at all.
You feel guilty.
You are sleeping too much, or you are not sleeping at all.
You have been extremely anxious or are having panic attacks.
You are withdrawing from usual activities, and it has been several months since the loss.
You are afraid to be alone.
You are feeling spiritually empty.
You are feeling isolated or disconnected.
You are having suicidal thoughts or hurting yourself.
We don’t have to “need” counseling in the sense we can’t survive without it. We might simply feel this is a good time to seek counseling. Life transitions can be good times to focus on our personal growth, to get support for a deeper exploration of current choices and future goals.
Grief is normal
It is normal to seek counseling for grief
True North Counseling & Development is here to help………….
If you are ready to discuss how therapy might help you, please call us at 859.740.7374.
If you are interested in learning more about grief, explore True North Counseling & Development’s other blogs:
Keep an eye out for the next blog in this series: Grief and the Holidays.