Lots of Grinches in Your Life This Holiday Season?
With the holiday season quickly approaching, I wanted to post some quick reminders about how to prepare yourself for the plethora of gatherings over the next few weeks. Whether at home, school, work, or in other communities, I am sure everyone can identify at least one person that stifles your joy.
The constant criticisms, never being proud of you, stealing your shining moment, pulling everyone into the cyclone of their chaos, arguing and raising voices, and/or not acknowledging your presence would make anyone miserable.
Thankfully, there are some strategies that can help preserve your joy and peace throughout this holiday season. I hope some of these are helpful to you, and while they may be difficult to practice initially, my hope is that they help you discover what you need to thrive.
Set Clear Intentions for Your Participation or Showing Up - What do you want to get out of attending? Identify what you would like as your takeaway from this gathering knowing that problematic behaviors/comments may arise. While intentions may not be met perfectly, having something important to focus on will keep your eyes on the reward versus the Grinch’s chaos.
Determine How Long and Under What Conditions You are Willing to Manage - Stay as long as it is rewarding and fulfilling to you. You might also set a time limit, thank everyone for the wonderful time you were able to spend, and then exit on a good note. There is no shame in setting limits for yourself, especially when you are being your best self! If certain conditions make the gathering unsafe in some way, you have every right to make changes to your plan.
Whose Opinion Really Matters? - Remind yourself who your most trusted and safe people are. It is so easy to believe the critics and cave to their standards or expectations when they are so constant and loud. Remind yourself whose opinions really matter at the end of the day and who truly loves and supports you unconditionally. If it is hard to identify those people, remind yourself that your beliefs about yourself matter, and someone else’s story in their head about you is not always accurate.
Know Your Hot Button Issues - We are all well aware of the increasing pressures of our society to take a side on a variety of areas like religion, politics, human rights, gender, sexual orientation, and race. Knowing characteristics of ourselves and our ways of life will conflict greatly with those around us makes any gathering potentially tense, on edge, argumentative, and potentially unsafe. Know what issues and values you can uphold and discuss despite strong opposition and which ones set you ablaze. Some people can persevere and others find sitting in these tense conflictual environments unbearable. There is no right or wrong here…be cognizant of what you can emotionally manage when the conversational stakes are high. There is no shame in preserving, advocating, and protecting what is sacred and important to you.
I hope you find these strategies to be helpful. I will be the first to say, these skills are a PRACTICE. They will likely not be quick fixes or easy to implement. Awareness of these skills is just one part of the larger scope of creating a thriving life for ourselves.
If you would like to dive deeper into these skills and how you can implement them into your life, I encourage you to contact True North Counseling & Development at 859-740-7374 to work with a provider who can help guide you through these processes. Knowing the skills and implementing them can be two challenging feats, and we are determined to help you discover what an empowered life can look like for you!
Warm Wishes and Happy Holidays to All of You!